


𝒜 𝒩𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝐻𝑒𝓇 𝒟𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓂𝓈

by naohime



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Death, Eventual Romance, F/M, Family, Mystery, Romance, Spoilers, Titans, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-22
Updated: 2020-01-20
Packaged: 2020-05-16 15:05:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19320601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naohime/pseuds/naohime
Summary: She was found beyond the Walls at eight years old with no memories. The only thing she knew was her name, a single memento that tethered her to her past.For the next four years, she kept seeing a woman in her dreams. No matter what she dreamt of, she was always there. She knew she had to meet her. Somehow, she knew she could fill in the eight years she never remembered. Her one hope was to go beyond the Walls, where she had escaped the Titans, to finally give a meaning to her name.





	1. Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I first watched Attack on Titan like five years ago and only recently got back into it. I binge-read the entire manga and am now watching season 2. I am obsessed. Help me.
> 
> Anyway, here's another original character story that no one asked for. Big thanks to maokitty (@phen0l on tumblr) for helping me figure all this stuff out because AoT is very complicated lol. Please check her out!! She's very talented and sweet, so give her some love <3
> 
> The next chapter will be up soon, I just need to figure out some more stuff...

In this cruel world, everybody became victim to Death. It was simply a matter of when and where. She had first seen it at eight years old, and had witnessed it countless times in the subsequent years. It had always followed her, but never dared to lay a finger on her. Now, it decided to reap its harvest after waiting for so long.

The dislodged shingles dug into her back, preventing her from slipping off of the derelict roof. The pain coursing through her body tugged at her eyelids. Her fingers twitched around the triggers of her grapple-hooks, desperate to live but lacking the motivation to do so. She coughed weakly, spotting her jacket with blood. Every breath she took crushed her lungs. She wondered why people yearned to live when it was so, _so_ painful to bear.

An enormous silhouette sheltered the sun behind its massive figure. It loomed menacingly over her, its rancid breath coming out in hot fumes. When it extended one of its large hands towards her, she squeezed her eyes shut in anticipation of the pain that was to come. She could only hope her death would be swift.

Its fingers had no mercy upon her battered form when it pried her from the rooftop and lifted her to its face. She trembled in its fist, both from the fear of looking Death in the face and from the agony engulfing her body. When she opened her eyes, she found that her vision was blurred and her cheeks were wet.

“I’m sorry,” she sputtered out, the salty tears pricking her tongue. “I’m so, so sorry…” She fell into incoherent sobs, repeating those same words.

She apologized to her brother, to her sister. She apologized to all those who had trusted her and who she ultimately failed. She apologized for escaping Death seven years ago, which she was now paying the price for.

Through the ringing in her ears and her weeping, she heard indistinct voices calling to her. Begging for her to live. Screaming as they helplessly watched her body snap beneath the Titan’s fingers. Among the tumult below her dangling legs, her ears picked out a single word, one that she had held onto for nearly her entire life. A word that she knew held so much meaning yet she couldn’t understand why.

The most important word to her.


	2. Linde

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know I said I had this ready months ago. That was false. And college kicked my ass so it took me a while to actually finish it.
> 
> Now that we'll be meeting some of the actual cast, just a word of warning. I will be using the names from the manga, so names or titles might be different (e.g. Survey Corps vs Scout Regiment). I think you should be able to pick it up though so I don't think I'll have to put any translations. Biggest difference is how Eren's surname will be spelled, though admittedly I don't know what I'll do with that either.
> 
> Anyway, I took some of the dialogue straight from the scene, so DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything. I wish I did bc I love this show too much for my own good.

“Linde Everhart, from Ehrmich, SIR!”

She had heard of Keith Shadis from her brother. A bald, no nonsense military official with a deafening roar. Johann had warned her of the rite of passage that each training corps went through. Shadis used it to weed out the weaklings to make way for the stronger ones. Although they were hard-pressed for more soldiers on the frontlines, it appeared that Shadis wasn’t going any easier on the new recruits.

Linde could already feel the legion of gazes burrow into her figure, their eyes whispering their judgments without ever saying a word. She clenched her jaw and gritted the fist that punched resolutely at her heart.

With his signature thundering shout, Shadis did not hesitate with his grilling. “Tell me, Cadet Everhart: Why did you abandon the luxury of the interior for the military? Did you think you would get fame and glory? Or was the interior too boring for you?!”

“I want to join the Survey Corps, SIR!” Linde yelled back. Her voice shook, and she hated it. She couldn’t afford to be scared, not now; she wasn’t about to let Shadis think she was a pushover.

She was going to prove them all wrong.

“You want to meet an early end, huh? Your death will let the rest of those in the interior know that we don’t lollygag all day like you do! The Survey Corps requires SOLDIERS, not WEAKLINGS!” Shadis screamed in her face, so close that his spittle flew all over her face. She resisted the urge to grimace. He leaned back, his face contorted with disgust. “TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT, RECRUIT!”

Too embarrassed to respond, Linde scrambled to fix her clothes while Shadis moved on to the next poor soul that dared to even breathe his way. It wasn’t until her shoulders dropped in a sigh of relief that she realized how tense she was. The quivers that trembled her voice had made their way to her body. Her heart hammered erratically against her ribcage. If he had remained for a moment longer, surely he would have heard its desperate pounding.

 _I did it. I survived the rite of passage._ She glanced over at her sister, who Shadis was currently making his way towards. _Now, Lene just needs to pass…_

As if on cue, Shadis bellowed, “HEY! Woolgatherer! Are you smart enough to tell me your name?!”

Though she was too far away to look properly, Linde could only assume that Lene saluted him before shouting, “Lene Sommer, from Ehrmich, SIR!”

“Another milksop, huh? Why are they sending me you useless lumps?!”

“They didn’t send me, sir! I chose to come because I also want to join the Survey Corps!”

“You must be stupider than you look if you think you’ll be of any use to the Survey Corps!” hollered Shadis. “They’ll be lucky if you last long enough to be Titan food! ROW FIVE, ABOUT FACE!”

Row five was Lene’s row. That meant he was done with her. Another wave of relief washed over Linde. When she was certain he was distracted with another cadet, Linde turned to look at Lene and smiled.

* * *

* * *

It wasn’t until the sun had set that they were allowed to change and relax. From midday to evening, they had endured the stream of insults from Shadis’ lips. If there was one thing Linde could say about him, it was that he was certainly creative with his labels for each cadet. Every time she thought he had topped himself, he came up with something new. For Linde, he had so innovatively elected to target her red hair and bestowed upon her the moniker Copper Top. That was a new one, she had to admit.

The stern expressions each cadet once wore was replaced with a carefree grin as they streamed into the mess hall. It was almost as if Shadis hadn’t been attacking their deepest insecurities just an hour before. Perhaps it was the adrenaline coursing through them at having survived. Linde wondered if they would still remain by the end of the week.

“Lindee!” 

Lene plopped down beside Linde, blonde braid bouncing against her shoulder. Her mirth never failed to tug a smile from Linde’s lips. In spite of the eager eyes following her every movement, Lene had chosen to sit with Linde—who had picked a table furthest from socialization as possible.

“We’re soldiers now! Isn’t that great?” Lene chirped, tearing off a chunk of bread.

“We’re not soldiers yet, Lene,” giggled Linde. “We still have the vertical maneuvering gear test to pass. If we can’t do that—”

“I know, we’ll be sent back. You can’t think like that, Lindee! We’ll make it, I promise.”

Linde frowned, but before she could get another word in, three figures appeared in her peripheral vision. Two lanky males and a shorter pig-tailed girl. Linde recognized the boy with freckles—he had proclaimed his loyalty to the king, which promptly earned Shadis’ wrath. The three of them directed their attention at Lene, who merely greeted them with another sweet smile.

“You’re Lene Sommer, right?” the girl piped up, nervously tugging at her hair. “I’m Mina Carolina. It’s nice to meet you!”

The other two introduced themselves as Marco Bott and Thomas Wagner, though they were much less enthusiastic than Mina. Lene invited them to sit and gladly entertained their questions. Mostly they were inquiries into life in the interior, as well as having a brother already in the Survey Corps. Those at nearby tables eavesdropped carefully, anticipating a scrap of advice like begging dogs at a table. While the three cadets seemed nice enough, it was evident to Linde that many people here had no idea what they were getting themselves into. For those who sought the Survey Corps, they didn’t know what was beyond the Walls.

When Marco asked Linde a question, she was startled out of her thoughts and sheepishly asked for it to be repeated. She hadn’t expected them to pay any attention to her, quite honestly. 

“Did you two grow up together? I remember you said you were from Ehrmich too.”

“Yes, we did,” she answered abruptly. They stared at her, and she realized they were waiting for more details. “I’ve known her since we were eight, so…about four years now. I’m…close with her family.”

“We’re like sisters!” Lene exclaimed, slinging an arm over Linde’s shoulder. “Right, Lindee?” She shook the shoulder she held, and Linde nodded. Lene was never one to allow Linde to just stay curled up in her comfort zone.

“Your hair is very pretty,” Mina complimented. “I don’t think I’ve seen red hair before.”

Instinctively, Linde touched the tips of her hair that barely passed her collarbone. “R-really? Thank you.” She had expected Shadis’ nickname to catch on, but supposedly they viewed it differently. A shy smile quirked upwards.

“So why did you guys leave the interior?” Thomas asked the question that had been on everyone’s mind. It was the reason people paid them any attention. Evidently, it was a taboo subject since Mina elbowed him in the side harshly. “H-hey, we’re all curious…”

Lene spared Linde from answering by pouncing first. “Well, you already know, but my brother is in the Survey Corps, so I guess you could say it’s kind of inspiration.” For the first time, a bashful expression crossed her face and she dropped her eyes to the table. Mina cooed, and the two males gave respectful nods. An admirable ambition, their reactions said. Then, they all looked at Linde as they awaited her response.

“I…want to see the world, I guess,” Linde said, a heavy forlornness swimming in her eyes. Though she looked at the three of them, her eyes saw something else—a possible future for her, a place for her to belong. “Nothing as sentimental as Lene.”

“That’s still really cool!” insisted Mina. “I wish I were as brave as you, to go beyond the Walls just to see the world.”

“I dunno, it takes a lot of guts just to _leave_ the luxury of the interior,” a deep voice drawled. An ashen blond boy slunk over to them, hands shoved in his pockets. Jean Kirstein, if Linde recalled correctly from the lineup. He hadn’t impressed her, but she never liked to make hasty judgements. “No offense, but even leaving the interior is a death sentence nowadays. If I were as fortunate as you to live in Wall Sheena, I’d never leave!”

Linde narrowed her eyes. She wasn’t one for confrontation, much less social interaction, but his condescending tone irked her. He hadn’t impressed her at first; now he was at the top of her list of annoyances. A retort bubbled at her lips, but someone else beat her to the punch—someone other than Lene.

“Weren’t you butted in the head by Shadis for saying stupid things like that?”

A dark-haired boy stood from his table, passionate eyes glowering at Jean. The throng of people that had gathered around him shuffled out of the way as he marched over to the much smaller crowd. Upon closer inspection, Linde noticed that he was one of the few that hadn’t been targeted by Shadis—probably due to his experience at Shiganshina, as his testimonies proved. She had only caught a hint of his story in passing, but it was enough for her to understand the hardened expression in his eyes. He had seen what they could only imagine. 

Jean was unfazed by his insults. He laughed and gave a shrug. “Look, I know you might be brave enough to go on a suicide mission by joining the Survey Corps, but not everyone is a loud-mouthed braggart tough guy wannabe pretending he’s not as piss scared as the rest of us. Some of us value our lives.”

“Are you trying to pick a fight?” The brunet’s voice lowered menacingly, and a scary expression flashed in his eyes. It sent shivers down Linde’s spine. She had never seen such animosity from one person—hell, she could practically feel the waves of hostility emanating from him.

“All right, sure. Makes no difference to me.” Once again, Jean was calm and collected throughout the whole ordeal. His laidback smirk only widened as he closed the space between them with a cocky saunter. A few people interjected, trying to break up the fight, but neither of them were giving up. There was an apparent height difference once they were standing face-to-face, one in Jean’s favor.

Suddenly, the bells rang from outside, startling everyone from their tension. Yet it had no effect on the people, as they remained frozen to see what would happen next. Even Linde, who thought this was rather juvenile, was enraptured by the scene unfolding in front of her. Was it odd she was fascinated by the thought of a bar—though it wasn’t a bar—fight? Situations like this never transpired in Ehrmich.

Jean was the first to make a move, and it wasn’t one of aggression. He heaved a sigh and smiled—somewhat insincerely. “Right. Yeah, I’m sorry. It wasn’t my place to doubt you.” He extended his hand with a wide grin. “Let’s call it even.”

Though the other boy relaxed slightly, cautiousness swam in his green eyes. “I was at fault, too.”

Just as Linde thought they were going to make up, he lifted his hand and slapped Jean’s out of the way—who remained, as always, unperturbed. Did anything ever bother him? Or was he simply too nonchalant to care? Linde watched as the brunet stalked off, curiosity squirming in her mind. Perhaps she should have listened more closely to his story.

“Well, we should go before we’re late,” Lene said, worry furrowing her brows. “Don’t wanna miss the good beds!”

“Right.”

She had barely touched her meal, so she tried shoveling in as much as she could before she had to throw it away. Observing her surroundings, the first thing Linde realized was how different she and Lene were from everyone else. The majority of cadets wore a simple blouse and trousers, meant for a day of work at the settlements. After all, they were all from Wall Rose. The second thing she realized was that Mina, Thomas and Marco were being abnormally nice—as most everyone else gave them dirty looks. Lene ignored it all, as she had when they lived in Ehrmich. She always told Linde to do the same, but that was something she found difficult to do. Maybe it was the guilt that prevented her from doing so.

Still, she could at least pretend as if it didn’t bother her. She turned her head forward and kept her shoulders as straight as possible, despite her trembling hands. If she couldn’t withstand the pettiness of her fellow cadets, she would never manage in going beyond the Walls.


	3. Determination

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I actually got this one out a lot faster. Probably because I'm on an AoT high while waiting for chapter 122 to come out.

The night was a fitful one for Linde, having spent several hours tossing and turning and staring at the ceiling. It felt like she had finally fallen asleep when the bell rang to wake them, and she groggily dragged herself from her bed. She had dreamt of crashing through the trees with her gear, but by the time she awoke it was a hazy memory on the fringes of her mind. From what she saw of the other girls, though, it seemed they were just as unlucky as she. Bags hung under their eyes, and a contagious yawn spread throughout the cabin. That lifted her spirits somewhat.

Through careful listening to the gossip the previous night, Linde had managed to attach a name to some of the faces—Sasha Braus, the infamous potato girl; Hannah Diamant, whose exuberance reminded her of Lene; and Mikasa Ackerman, an Oriental girl who barely spoke a word. Perhaps it was her taciturn nature that made her stick out the most to Linde. She also recognized Mina from dinner, but hesitated to greet her. She would wait until Lene was with her to do so.

Breakfast was much less excitable than the last meal. There were no crowds formed around a particular person—in fact, it seemed that they were avoiding both Jean and the brunet as if showing that they weren’t choosing a side. Linde noticed that Jean was seated at a full table while the brunet was only with Mikasa Ackerman and a blond boy—what was his name? She remembered seeing him, but keeping track of all these names was getting difficult. He was rather scrawny, and he seemed much less eager to be here than his dark-haired companion.

Lene had already found her new group of friends—consisting of Mina, Thomas and Marco—and waved Linde over to join them. A wave of relief flooded through Linde at the realization that she wouldn’t have to sit alone. She might not always be partnered with Lene, but at least they could be together during meals. Lene took charge of the conversation that morning, mainly because everyone else was quiet from nerves.

After breakfast they were instructed to equip their harnesses and to gather at the training grounds as soon as possible. Most people fumbled with the gear, putting a belt through the wrong loop or clipping it on backwards, but this was the one thing Linde could be confident in. Johann had demonstrated how to don the vertical maneuvering gear a week before sending them off—just as he had with the rest of his guidance.

 _Just remember that all of the buckles face forward,_ he had told them. _As long as you remember that, everything else should be obvious._

His advice proved true. When the buckles faced the front, they were able to see the rest of the instructions laid out in front of them. They were one of the first ones done, and Lene even went around to help the other girls. Linde used the extra time to calm her anxiety with the breathing exercises taught to her.

The training grounds were set up with multiple large posts with long cords along the wood, attached to a pulley to the side. Johann had tutored them prior, but he hadn’t given them explicit details about the exam—after all, he would practically be sending his sisters off to their deaths by doing so. He claimed it was an unfair advantage, though.

“It’s time for the aptitude test, so listen up!” shouted Shadis. Linde winced at the raucous volume so early in the morning. “There is no place for you here if you cannot perform! Fail and be sent back to where you came from—or shipped to the fields if you’re just as useless at home.”

Linde turned to her side, seeking some moral support from her sister, but they were already being divided into groups. Lene was urged towards one of the posts at the end, while Linde was shoved forward by the eager cadets behind her. She recognized one of them as Jean, already keen to prove his worth as Military Police material.

“G-good luck, Linde,” she heard from her side. Marco offered a bashful smile.

“Thanks. You too.”

Each cadet was allotted a certain amount of time to exhibit their natural aptitude—or lack thereof. Most of the cadets just barely managed to squeeze by, wobbling in place but remaining upright, while others fell flat on their face the moment they were lifted. With each person that succeeded or failed, the coil of nerves in Linde’s gut writhed and twisted. Her palms grew sweaty and any attempt to wipe them on her pants was in vain. She searched for Lene among the other groups, but there were too many people to pick her out.

“EVERHART!”

Linde jumped in place and slammed a fist to her heart instinctively. The nearby cadets snickered. Shadis glowered at her.

“What are you saluting for, Everhart?! Get your ass over here!”

She didn’t hesitate in jogging up to the contraption and finally got a good look at what she was dealing with. She took notice of the hooks that would clasp to her belt, representing the gas canister and anchor that would be strapped to her hips. The hips. That was what Johann had said was essential to mastering the vertical maneuvering gear, but his exact wording was slipping her mind at the moment. All she could think about was how dry her mouth was.

As the hooks were clipped to her belt, Linde was suddenly aware of all of the eyes on her. They were watching with anticipation, thirsting for her failure. Their eyes were akin to a snake stalking its prey and planning its death. A milksop from the interior, they thought of her. Determination clenched her fists. She _would do_ this, with or without Johann’s advice.

Marco was the one handling the pulley for her. He asked, “Are you ready?”

She nodded. Her tongue was sandpaper.

“Lift her up!” Shadis ordered.

 _The hips. The hips. It’s something about the hips,_ she repeated to herself like an insane mantra. She felt herself gradually lifted into the air; first, her heels left the ground, then the balls of her feet, and finally her toes. Her legs floundered uselessly for support. Sneers were already being exchanged, but they only fueled her. She forced her legs to still, tightened her core. Stability found its way back, but it wasn’t enough. Her upper body continued to shake unreliably. A sheen of sweat layered her brow just from the effort of remaining upright. From the laughter erupting throughout the crowd, Linde knew her face was screwing up in concentration. Shadis yelled at them, but the blood pounding in her ears drowned him out.

 _C’mon, Linde, you can do this!_ she screamed internally. _You have to prove them all wrong! You belong here! You belong_ somewhere _in this world!_

And suddenly, she recalled. It’s all in the hips.

_It’s all in the hips. Balance your weight. Guide the gear with your hips; don’t let it control you._

Linde relaxed the muscles in her body, freeing it from all tension. Her body lurched forward, but she kicked her legs out to push herself back. She transferred the power in her core to her hips. Balanced the weight, guided the gear. Her body slowly but surely stopped quivering, and she found herself hanging effortlessly in the air.

The jeers from before disappeared completely. A grin broke out on her face. Even Shadis seemed impressed—well, surprised was probably the more fitting adjective. He nodded to Marco, and she felt herself gradually be lowered again.

Linde was all too happy when she found proper footing again. She fought the urge to fall to the ground in gracious tears. _I will never forget just how precious you are,_ she whispered to it. 

“Staying still is one thing,” Shadis said as she passed him. “Moving through trees and buildings is another.”

“Yessir!” she replied, saluting. The proud smile was still on her face.

He turned his back to her, and she took it as a sign to return to the crowd. Shadis bellowed, “EREN JAEGER!”

When Linde glanced forward to see who was the next victim, Marco flashed her a thumbs-up. She returned the gesture awkwardly. Her gaze moved to the cadet in the middle, and her eyebrows quirked upwards. It was the hot-headed brunet. At least she had a name for the face.

His straightened shoulders and self-assured gait suggested a sort of confidence one wouldn’t expect to find in a new cadet. What struck her the most was the determination flaring in his eyes. Eren believed so strongly in himself that it transferred over to Linde—she was certain he would pass with flying colors. Just like Mikasa, who one post over, was completely and utterly motionless in the air.

Eren nodded firmly to Marco, who watched nervously as he rotated the pulley. Linde couldn’t discern a shred of apprehension on Eren’s face as his feet left the ground. There was a moment when he was balanced and upright, and there was a murmur of approval. However, it didn’t last long. She caught the sudden shift in his expression as his body flipped instantaneously. Rather than fighting to right himself, he hung upside down with his mouth agape and eyes wide.

“What is your major malfunction, Jaeger?! Straighten yourself up!” Shadis demanded, kneeling to scream in the face of the stuporous cadet. Eren stared blankly in front of him as if unaware of the laughter that chorused through the crowd.

Linde bit the tip of her thumb, trying her hardest not to allow an expression of pity to form on her face. That was the last thing he needed among the sneers of his fellow cadets. Completely unresponsive, Eren was helped to his feet as Marco lowered him. His blond friend, the squeaky one from yesterday, attempted to comfort him in a low voice, but to no avail. All resolve had been drained from his once lively eyes. It was a depressing sight to see.

Linde wondered if she would have ended up like Eren if she hadn’t had the advice of her brother. 

* * *

* * *

“Yoohoo! Lindee, over here!”

Lene waved her arm frantically in the air, signalling for Linde to join her. Unfortunately, she sat at the end of the bench with Mina on her other side, forcing Linde to sit between two strangers. They weren’t exactly strangers, but that didn’t make Linde any less uncomfortable. Thomas scooted as far to the edge as he could to give her room, and Marco greeted her with another warm smile.

“You did really well,” Marco complimented. “I was worried for a second that you would fall.”

“Me too,” she admitted. “Though it would have prepared me for when I actually fall.” She flushed when her joke earned a hearty laugh from her companions.

“I just barely passed,” Mina said worriedly, “so I’ll have to work really hard to show Instructor Shadis what I’m made of.”

“You can do it, Mina!” Lene encouraged, clapping a hand on her shoulder. “Besides, if you ever need help, we’re all ready to support you. We need to practice teamwork, anyway, so might as well get a head start!”

The black-haired girl heaved a sigh. “Thanks, Lene…”

“It must be great, having a brother in the Survey Corps,” Thomas interjected. “I bet he gave you all sorts of tips for the training!”

Lene laughed. “Actually, it took a lot of pleading on my part to get him to fess up. Even then, I was just able to get some advice on the vertical maneuvering gear.”

“I guess he didn’t want his baby sister to end up in the military,” Marco said, somewhat sadly. The somber expression on his face reminded Linde of Johann’s when he sent them off.

“Do you have siblings?” Linde asked.

Surprised by the sudden question, Marco stammered, “J-just a little sister. She turns eight this year. Why?”

“No particular reason. You just seem like an older brother.”

“Oh. Thank you…?”

“You know who’s not gonna end up in the military?” Thomas inclined his head towards Lene, prompting them to look behind her. “Him. Eren. I kinda feel bad for him…”

“Wasn’t he the one who said that those who couldn’t handle the pressure should leave?” Lene muttered. “He’s not wrong, but…it was a bit hasty to say, considering the circumstances.”

Linde tuned out the rest of their chatter to examine Eren. He still hadn’t recovered from his failure, now sporting a bandage around his head to show it off. His movements were stiff and robotic as he spooned the soup into his mouth. Mikasa and the blond talked to him, but if he heard any of it he gave no visible indication.

She thought back to the previous night, how different he was when confronting Jean. He so firmly wanted to kill the Titans, dared to want to go beyond the Walls. Some had reacted with awe, others scorn. Eren was an outcast, just like her. He didn’t even have a home to return to. Perhaps that was why he was so resolute in his goals; he wanted to reclaim Wall Maria and restore his home. Linde had no idea what was running through her head. All she knew was that she was similar to him in many ways, and the only difference between them was that she had had some assistance.

“Oh, you’re already done?” Mina said as Linde stood from the table. “You’ve barely touched your food.”

“I wasn’t that hungry,” she replied. “You can have it, so it doesn’t go to waste.”

She walked off without another word and left the mess hall. Dusk had fallen, a spatter of stars glistening on the indigo sky. It was so much wider without any buildings in the way. She vaguely remembered seeing the uninterrupted sky before she lived in Ehrmich. She saw it a lot in her dreams, too. It was what Linde had joined the Survey Corps for.

When she arrived at the girls’ barracks, it was empty which allowed her to rummage freely through her trunk. The other girls had a habit of snooping into peoples’ business, so it was difficult to even open it without getting questions about why she possessed a particular item. Her fingers glided across smooth leather, and she dug it out of the very bottom. Her leather-wrap journal, weathered from use. It was the third one Johann had bought her; the other two were back in her room in Ehrmich, hopefully. She jotted down all sorts of things in her journal, and even used it to store her pressed flowers.

Squinting through the darkness, Linde tore a page out, scribbled a message on it, and shoved it into her pocket. By the time she had returned everything to its proper place in her trunk, the girls had returned with cheery smiles and uproarious chatter. No one paid any attention as she stole silently into the night.

It was when she spotted Eren leaving the mess hall that she realized she didn’t have a plan. How would she get the letter into his hands? She preferred to stay anonymous—that way if he didn’t want unsolicited advice he wouldn’t have anyone to yell at—but there wasn’t much she could do short of slipping it into his pocket unnoticed, and Linde knew she couldn’t do that. 

Perhaps she could put it on his bed? That ran the risk of the other boys opening it, if they were as nosy as the girls. That was assuming she could sneak in unnoticed at this point. Every idea she concocted had a risk following it. Her only option was to pick the one with the least amount of risk involved. Which, ironically, was planting it on his person somehow. She had a limited amount of time before he reached the boys’ barracks, so this was likely her only opportunity.

Linde followed the pair—Mikasa had already retired to the girls’ barracks—at a reasonable distance. Their quarters were further from the mess hall, giving her more time to put together a hasty plan. If worse came to worst, she would simply act on instinct—which was not her strong suit, unlike Lene or Johann. She grabbed the crumpled paper from her pocket and hid it in her sleeve.

“Excuse me!” she called out. They slowed to a stop, and she jogged to catch up to them.

“What?” Eren snapped. His friend shot him a look, and Eren glared at the ground. Panic throbbed in Linde’s ears, but she forced herself to act natural.

“Er, um, could you…check if Marco is inside?” she stammered. “I, uh…don’t want to just go in.”

“Yeah, of course,” the blond agreed.

“Thank you…” 

They turned back around, and Linde studied Eren’s clothing for any pockets. His shirt fell past his hips, covering any access she could have had. She gnawed at her lower lip. Another plan was necessary, unless she attempted putting it in his shirt somehow—which was not going to happen.

When they had brought Marco back outside, Linde was still lacking of any sort of plan. And now she would have to come up with a reason as to why she summoned the freckled boy.

“Did you need something, Linde?” he asked pleasantly. 

“Oh, ah…this is embarrassing, but I, uh, forgot…” Linde wanted to slap herself in the face for such a pathetic excuse. “I’m sorry for wasting your time.”

“No, don’t apologize!” Marco assured her. “Like Lene said, we’re here to help each other.”

And then, an idea.

“A-actually, if you don’t mind, I do have a favor to ask of you.” Linde swallowed the lump in her throat. According to Johann, she had never been a convincing liar. Hopefully, though, Marco wasn’t as keen as her brother. “I saw that Eren left something in the mess hall, but…I forgot to bring it with me. Do you think you could just put it on his bed or something?”

Marco beamed, glad to be of service. It made Linde feel guilty for what she was doing. “Of course! I’ll make sure it gets to him.” 

“Thank you. Just let me get it.” She made her way back to the barracks, and a mob of tension released from her shoulders.

Lene and Mina greeted her when she entered, but all she could afford them was a sparing mumble. She dropped to her knees in front of her trunk—that was going to leave a bruise—and desperately scoured it for the decoy. Linde hadn’t brought much with her, not having many sentimental ties in Ehrmich, so most of her possessions consisted of clothing. Thankfully, she scrounged up a book and slipped the paper inside, just enough so that it was poking out. She had planned on reading it, but she probably wouldn’t have had time anyway.

Linde returned out of breath to Marco, and waved her hand dismissively before he could ask questions. After catching her breath, she handed the book over. “Thank you.”

“It’s no problem. I’m sure he’ll be grateful you brought this back.”

It would be suspicious if she asked Marco not to mention her, but she didn’t want anything linking her to the note—the more invisible she was, the more content she would be. Linde had learned that inconspicuousness was the best method of avoiding hostility. Perhaps isolating herself was aloof, but she preferred it to the alternative.

“He doesn’t even know who I am. And…I’d rather keep it that way.” 

The smile fell from Marco’s face. His grip tightened around the spine of the book. “Oh…yeah, okay. I’ll just leave it on his bed.”

“Thanks…” Unable to meet his eyes, Linde bent her gaze to the ground. “Good night.”

“G’night, Linde.”

She walked away without looking back, but the guilt nagged at the back of her mind. Was it really worth helping someone who had no idea at the cost of a possible friendship? But Linde knew the answer. If Johann could do it for her, she could do it for someone else—with far less at stake.


	4. Writings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I feel like people forget that (mostly) everyone was twelve when they joined the military because of how old they look both in the anime and manga haha. Like Eren was pretty tall and had a deep voice for a "twelve-year-old". I dunno, that's my speculation.
> 
> Please don't get mad at how I spell Bertolt's name lmao I feel like not even Isayama knows how it's spelled

It wasn’t until Linde arrived at the training camp that she realized just how difficult life in Wall Rose was. Two years following the fall of Wall Maria, the southern region was congested with refugees. Relations were strained due to limited resources, even after the famine was overcome. Orphans and the elderly were allocated to settlements in order to earn their keep. The biggest shock to Linde was the fact that once an individual turned twelve years of age, they were expected to either work in the fields or join the military. It explained why so many people here strived for the Military Police—it was a chance for a better life, away from the toil of Wall Rose.

It also explained why ambitions such as hers were considered bizarre. To leave the safety of the Walls, the safety of the interior, was utterly incomprehensible to them. That was why everyone was so eager to see whether Eren Jaeger would succeed or fail that afternoon—whether his ideals would trump theirs or not. 

The mess hall was filled with the regular chatter, as most people had already passed the aptitude test and were relieved of their burdensome nerves. Linde followed close behind Lene to retrieve her food—another stark difference in their lives. Meals were often meager and plain, consisting of bread, potatoes, and some type of meat. Though Linde found them bland and unappetizing, it seemed to be a staple among the locals. She did her best to mask her distaste.

Mina and Thomas joined them, as usual, but Linde noticed that Marco walked past them to sit elsewhere. Guilt clawed at her chest. She felt that she should apologize, but it was likely better this way. In three years, they would be separated—him by the Military Police, and her by the Survey Corps. She had no place in the Walls, and thus no place among the people.

“Good morning,” Mina greeted, perky as usual. “Today will be our only day of leisure, I think. What are you all going to do?”

“Lucky. Instructor Shadis asked me to help with the aptitude test today,” Thomas sighed. Mina gave him a piteous look. “Well, more like ordered.”

“I’d like to practice using the gear a bit more, but since they’re still doing the aptitude test, I don’t think I’ll be able to.”

“You can still practice!” insisted Lene. “Maybe not practically, but reading about them and understanding how the gear works can really help. We can go find some books from the classroom after this.”

Mina still looked a bit uncertain, but she thanked Lene nonetheless. “Linde? What are you going to do today?”

“Huh? Oh, um…” Linde’s eyes flickered over to a certain trio. “I think I’ll watch the test.”

“Really? Why?” Mina followed her gaze to where Eren was sitting, staring at a letter in his hands. Next to him, Mikasa leaned over to read it while Armin talked animatedly. “Oh. Oh!”

Lene giggled and nudged Linde with her shoulder. “Already got a crush, Lindee?” “It’s not like that,” Linde denied, heat rising to her cheeks. “I’m watching for the same reason everyone else is.”

“Honestly…I’m curious to see how he’ll do, too,” Thomas admitted. Relief washed over Linde as the attention was taken off of her. “He talks big, but when his turn came, he turned out to be full of it. I don’t want him to fail or anything, I just want to see if his drive is enough to get him through.”

Mina raised an eyebrow. “But you’re being forced to be there, aren’t you? So it’s not like you have a choice.”

“Yeah, well…” Mina and Lene laughed as Thomas struggled to find a response. Linde used their distraction in order to glance at Eren again. The fire that had been extinguished yesterday had been returned to his eyes. She had no idea whether or not her letter had done that, but she was relieved that he hadn’t given up. There was something about his determination that was inspiring.

She looked away before she could be caught and teased by her sister. Linde forced down the rest of her food as best she could and followed the other eager cadets to the training grounds. There were a number of those who were attempting the aptitude test again, but it was Eren Jaeger whom everyone was anxious to watch. Even Linde was somewhat excited, but more so due to nerves than any sort of entertainment. Failure meant being sent to the fields, with no assurance of escape.

By the time she arrived there was already a considerable crowd waiting by the posts. Unfortunately, she couldn’t squeeze her way to the front and had to resort to standing on her tippy toes in order to even get a glimpse. Eren had already attached the ropes to his buckles and stood staring down Shadis. No one dared to speak, not even a whisper. There was an implicit agreement of silence among the cadets.

“Eren Jaeger. Are you ready?” Shadis asked. It wasn’t a question, but a demand. Eren had to be ready or be sent away.

There was no hesitation in Eren’s voice as he shouted, “Yes, sir!”

“Proceed!”

Thomas, as he had been instructed to do, began turning the pulley which lifted Eren into the air. Just like the previous time, Eren maintained equilibrium for the first few seconds. Apprehension gnawed at Linde’s gut. She had no idea why, but she wanted so desperately for him to succeed. To come this far after losing your home only to be turned away was a feeling she knew all too well. Some part of her wanted to close her eyes, but something pried them open. Anticipation, perhaps?

She hadn’t realized how long he had been suspended until cheers erupted from the line of cadets. A grin broke across Eren’s face as he steadied himself, limbs trembling from the exertion. Linde widened her eyes as she noticed: his hips. It was subtle, but she could see the slight shift of his hips as he balanced. She couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips.

Her smile didn’t last long, however, as panic flashed across Eren’s face and he suddenly flipped backward. He writhed and wriggled to right himself, hands pushing against the ground.

“Once more! I can do it!” he yelled, desperation fueling his voice.

Shadis’ voice was cold as metal as he simply stated, “Lower him.”

Eren dropped to his knees and mumbled something Linde couldn’t hear, his eyes watering. It pained her to see him like this. He had done everything she had written; why had he failed?

“Wagner!” Thomas, having been looking solemnly down at Eren, snapped to attention as Shadis addressed him. “Please exchange belts with Jaeger.”

Visible confusion furrowed Thomas’ eyebrows, but he complied nonetheless. He handed his belt over to Eren who appeared just as bewildered as he. Once everything was in order, Eren was lifted into the air a second time. The defeat in his eyes washed away as he effortlessly balanced himself, and his mouth dropped in shock.

“Your equipment was defective. If given a piece of functional gear, you might not be worthless after all.” Shadis examined Eren’s belt in his hands. “Quartermaster didn’t notice this broken clasp. Might have to visit the Supply Depot and crack a couple of skulls.”

Linde pitied anyone who had to face Shadis’ wrath, whether deserving or not. Behind him, the cadets were gawking and whispering in awe.

“He…he still did it. Even while wearing that busted gear.”

“Amazing.”

“So, you mean I…I didn’t wash out?” Eren asked hopefully, eyes and mouth still agape.

“You made the cut,” Shadis assured him, though he sounded somewhat regretful. “Now keep training, cadet!”

Eren punched his fists into the air and let out a victorious shout. His triumph spread to the other cadets, whose spirits seemed to have been lifted by this unexpected success. His friends clapped him on the shoulder and congratulated him when he returned. Despite his initial abrasiveness, he seemed to have gathered some loyal allies. It had to have been his sheer willpower that attracted them.

Though there were other cadets who were trying again, Linde had seen what she came here for. There were three more years of this; of success and failure, determination and defeat. Three years stood between her and her own goals.

* * *

* * *

Much to the majority of cadets’ dismay, the first week of training consisted of classes rather than any combat training. They had to learn the history and mechanics of the gear that they would be using, they were told. In that same vein, they would be taught the anatomy and physiology of Titans. If they learned of the Titans’ vulnerabilities, they would perform better. Linde agreed with that philosophy, an opinion that was not commonly shared by her peers.

Though they would be in a classroom rather than the training grounds, they were still summoned at the early hours of the morning. Linde couldn’t even remember how she made it to the classroom at all. It was a miracle she had even remembered to bring a pen and paper. She fought the urge to rest her head on the desk as the other cadets shuffled in because once she put it down she knew she wouldn’t be able to lift it.

Instructor Shadis wasted no time in beginning the lessons once he entered the classroom. If Linde hadn’t been awake before, she was certainly attentive now. His bellowing voice worked just as well as any coffee from Ehrmich.

Minutes into the lecture, Linde reached an obstacle. He went through facts too fast. By the time she had copied half a sentence down, he had already erased it and moved on to something else. She glanced over at Lene’s notes and would hastily fill in the blanks before refocusing on the topic at hand. It wasn’t even Shadis’ fault that she couldn’t keep up; after all, Linde had yet to master the written language of the Walls. She often messed up letters or would misspell words, putting her behind as she corrected herself. She hated making mistakes.

After class, on their way to the dining hall for a much-needed breakfast, Linde asked Lene in a low voice, “Do you mind if I copy your notes later? I didn’t get everything.”

Lene was all too happy to share her notes. Linde jotted down whatever she had missed as she ate, thankful that the others decided to leave her alone. She noted how nice and curly Lene’s handwriting was, and compared it to her own messy scrawl. Though she had been permitted to attend school with Lene, she didn’t dare to request reading and writing lessons from their parents. Most of what she learned was through observation, noticing what sounds someone would make when reading a specific word and clumsily mimicking what they wrote. It had gotten her through basic education, but these were details crucial to her survival beyond the Walls.

For the next few lessons, Linde focused on just recording as much as she could and learning the actual content on her own time. It was the most effective method until she improved her reading comprehension. Fearing that Lene would catch on to her predicament, she shoved down her insecurities as best she could and asked some of the other cadets for the notes. Mina and Thomas were just as willing to help, but there was a hint of hesitation when Marco agreed.

Things hadn’t been the same between them since she essentially segregated herself from him. Her desire to keep her identity a secret from Eren must have rubbed him the wrong way, and he distanced himself from her as a result. Though she knew it was for the better, she couldn’t help but feel ashamed. Nonetheless, this strategy worked for the rest of the week. Linde was just as relieved as the others that they wouldn’t have to be taking any more notes, albeit for different reasons. They would still be taking classes in between physical training, but it was much less writing than before.

In the second week, conditioning exercises warmed up their bodies in the morning to prepare them for the more grueling drills in the afternoon. The routine was basic calisthenics exercises that exerted various parts of the body for a full-body workout. Linde recalled from their classes the previous week that calisthenics was ideal for the vertical maneuvering gear, as it developed strength, endurance, flexibility, and coordination, all of which were essential to operating the equipment.

However, though they seemed simple in nature, it was the sheer amount of them that exhausted Linde’s untrained body. They were expected to complete three circuits of twenty-five jump squats, twenty pushups, fifty crunches, and ten burpees with only thirty seconds of rest allotted to them. Perfect synchronization was expected of them and anyone who lagged behind was screamed in the face by Shadis. Linde did her best to keep up but was disciplined multiple times for her lack of speed. Meanwhile, Lene barely showed any hint of exhaustion; stamina must run in her family with how well she performed. The only sign of labor was the sheen of sweat that clung her blonde hair to her brow. 

“Stop dawdling, Everhart!” hollered Shadis at her for what seemed to be the umpteenth time. Linde wasn’t sure if the heat that burned her cheeks was due to embarrassment or toil.

Once they completed the three circuits, they immediately shifted into a two-mile run. Linde’s calves shrieked for rest and a stinging bit her side, but she urged herself to keep going. She might have passed the aptitude test, but Shadis could still eject her from the Training Corps if she proved worthless. She didn’t even strive for the top ten; all she had to do was survive three years. Easier said than done admittedly.

Most of her fellow cadets passed her easily and without a second glance. Mina and Lene gleefully greeted her, tossing encouraging words over their shoulders as they progressed. Eventually, Linde just observed each person who overtook her in an attempt to memorize their faces. She would be training with them for the next three years, after all. Some she had never seen before, but there were a fair few she could identify, most of them female. Sasha Braus, Krista Lenz, Connie Springer. Towards the end of the run, she, including Armin Arlert and a much older cadet, were the last ones to finish. 

Linde had thought that would be the end of it, but she, Armin and the third cadet were punished for their speed—or lack thereof. While the rest of the division was able to go to breakfast, they were held longer for “extra training”. By the time Linde arrived at the dining hall, her body was too sore for her to even acknowledge her hunger. The dining hall was relatively empty at that point, with everyone hurrying to the showers before classes began in the afternoon.

“Uh, excuse me?”

Linde jumped, having forgotten that there were two others with her. It was Armin who had addressed her, timid eyes meeting her own startled gaze.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Armin apologized. “Your name’s Linde, right?”

“Yes,” Linde confirmed curtly. She was surprised he knew her at all. Perhaps Mikasa mentioned her, though she had no idea what could have prompted that.

“My name’s Armin Arlert.” Armin fiddled with the sleeves of his shirt as if summoning the courage to speak his mind. Evidently, he was just as bashful as her when it came to talking to strangers. “I know you’re the one who gave Eren advice.”

Linde widened her eyes and sputtered, “Wh-what? You’re mistaken.”

Armin didn't respond, merely slipped a hand into his pocket and withdrew a scrap of paper. Her face paled.

"I didn't write that," she hastily insisted.

“I know you didn't.” He flipped it open to reveal a blank canvas. He had gotten her there. Damn her for falling for that trick so easily. Even Johann did that at home when he teased her. “I didn’t tell him. I figured you wanted it to be kept a secret since you didn’t sign your name or even give it to him directly.”

An uncomfortable silence fell between them after he finished. What was his point? Did he intend on blackmailing her? Was it information about the Survey Corps he sought like so many others pestered Lene about? If that were the case, he could have gone to her directly. Lene was friendly and obliging. Within the first week, she had already befriended Mina, Sasha, Thomas, Marco, and Connie. Even Jean, who was exasperating and haughty, had warmed to her; though that might’ve been due to her being from the interior.

“So, what? Why bring this up if you have no intention of telling him?” Linde asked cautiously, hugging herself.

“I wanted to thank you,” Armin sheepishly admitted. “Joining the military means a lot to Eren. It’s all he has.”

A singular goal that drove him, fueled him. It gave him life. Linde had one of her own.

“I know he got help from two others,” Linde retorted, though she failed to recall their names. She just remembered that they were both quite tall for only being fourteen—two years older than most of the cadets here. “My advice probably didn’t do anything.”

“It did, though. Reiner and Bertolt did help him, but he still struggled with it. It wasn’t until he found your note that it seemed to click with him.”

“Well…you’re welcome, I guess,” she mumbled. “The Survey Corps needs more soldiers like him.”

“Your brother’s in it, right? That’s how you know so much about it.”

Linde nodded. Armin was keen, that was for certain. Not only had he correctly identified her as the author of the note he also tricked her into confessing it. He was another person who would be useful to the Survey Corps effort.

That brought a question to her mind. “How’d you know it was me?”

“The letter? Oh, well…we sat behind you in class coincidentally and I recognized the handwriting.” Armin shoved his hand into his pocket and withdrew a scrap of paper. She didn’t have to ask to know what it was. “It’s pretty distinct. Eren’s…not as observant as me, and Mikasa wasn’t interested in finding out who it was. She was just relieved he passed at all.”

Linde flushed at the reminder of her untidy script. She wondered why she hadn’t considered the possibility of her penmanship giving her away.

“Um…if you don’t mind me asking…” Armin scratched his cheek, suddenly apprehensive about his next question. He had been quite confident in everything else; it seemed social interaction was not his forte, and it showed in his awkward and stiff movements. “You don’t seem too good at reading and writing. Am I right in assuming that?”

He must have noticed that too. Though Linde doubted there were others as perceptive as Armin, she made a mental note to refrain from showing her distress so blatantly. It was embarrassing to be found out, especially since it could lead to other questions that she’d much rather avoid.

“...Yeah.” Linde rubbed her arm. “I, uh, I’ve never been good at it. But I’ve managed to get by.”

“I see.” Armin cleared his throat and dropped his gaze to the ground. “W-well, I’d be more than willing to give you some lessons…”

She couldn’t help but blurt out, “What?” Was he genuinely offering help? He barely knew her. “If this is your way of thanking me for helping Eren, I don’t want any thanks. That’s why I kept myself anonymous.” Her rejection came off more clipped than she had intended, but it hardly seemed to deter Armin.

“It’s not, I promise. I know what it’s like to struggle, and I only got through those times with help,” he assured her with a smile. It was the first one she had seen him give since they began talking. “You can say no, but…I think you’ll find the next three years to be hard if you don’t let others help you.”

She gnawed at her lower lip in deep thought. Armin’s statement wasn’t wrong, but that didn’t make it any easier to accept. To put herself in such a vulnerable position terrified her, one where she had to trust him not to deceive her.

“I’ll think about it,” Linde conceded with a sigh. She lowered her voice despite there being very few people to hear. “Thank you for not telling him.”

Armin nodded. “Of course. I’m sure you have your reasons, so I won’t pry. In the meantime, please keep my offer in mind.” He stuffed the letter back into his pocket and his former awkwardness returned to his features. “Well, um, goodnight!”

He scurried past her to get a tray of food, which reminded Linde of why she was there in the first place. It was a blessing that there weren’t many people occupying the dining hall, otherwise, they would have certainly noticed hers and Armin’s unnaturally lengthy discussion. She didn’t know much about Armin’s reputation, but she knew about the rumors surrounding her and her silence. Some were convinced she was a mute. The only reason they even knew about her existence in the first place was due to the rite of passage.

Why couldn’t she have just stayed invisible?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took forever to finish this chapter, but that's mainly because of college. But you can usually bet that a new AoT chapter will re-inspire me haha. 
> 
> Also, I assume coffee exists within the Walls? Since tea does.


End file.
